A post about beef tenderloin. (really.)

I hate to phone in a post so early. After all it’s only been a couple days. How could I possibly be slacking now. I had all day to write it. I could’ve come up with a detailed outline of an interesting philosophical or ethical problem. Maybe something about truth or justice. Something important.

Then I thought, I’ll just write about beef. Why would it be ‘phoning it in’ if it maybe provides a little value, a laugh, or just a record. After all, these posts aren’t exactly for you, dear reader. Though I hope they help in some way, I think much of what stops me from writing is thinking about you too much. What will you think? Will it actually be useful to you? Will you actually care?

So perhaps I should give myself a little grace, and make it easy to succeed in my task of simply writing posts. Even if they’re not perfect.

Anyway, here’s a post about beef tenderloin.

You will need:

• One (1) whole beef tenderloin.
• Ice
• One (1) bottle of Elijah Craig Small Batch Bourbon or Buffalo Trace Bourbon (as an aside, Buffalo Trace’s website is delightfully old school, fitting for a distillery that’s been producing bourbon continuously for over 200 years)
• A sharp-ass knife.

In many cases whole beef tenderloins come with a piece of meat attached called the chain. It’s usually wrapped entirely around one side of the tenderloin. The first step is often to cut it away. You can do this by feeling along the natural seam of where the two cuts of meat meet each other. This is a fatty cut of meat and is often reserved for stews or other small meat uses. My tenderloin did not have the chain on it.

The next step is to remove the fat end called the butt.

Next remove the silverskin. The silverskin is the thick, glossy, silver/white looking piece of connective tissue that runs along the tenderloin. This is tough and does not cook down and soften.

Trim the medallions. Medallions are cut from the tapered ends of the tenderloin.

Finally, cut the chateubriand, the thick rounded area that produces your actual tenderloin steaks! Hurray! Party time!

Apologies for my photography as I am not a meat photographer, however, these will look closer to what it looks like when you cut your own. Instead of some antiseptic perfectly lit piece of meat.

I didn’t give instructions, but I’m betting you can figure out what to do with the ice and bourbon.